Harnessing the Power of Self: A Journey of Identity and Purpose - E95

Hello, incredible listeners, welcome to the Lead to Excel podcast. I'm your host, maureen Chihana, ceo and founder of the Mindsite Academy. Before we dive into today's empowering episode, uniquely designed for black women because you know what we are coming to the end of Black History Month, so it's time for me to speak to sisters I want to remind you to please subscribe, rate and review our podcast. Your support helps us reach more listeners like you and it ensures that you don't miss any upcoming episodes. Today, we're all about unveiling the power within us. As much as I'm speaking specifically to black women, I feel that everyone will benefit from this episode. Kind of listen and personalize it to you. So we're diving deep into identity, purpose, success and mental well-being. Are you ready? Let's dive in First off. Let's unwrap the gift of identity. As a black woman, it's important to recognize that you carry a rich legacy and heritage. Embrace the beautiful spectrum of our shades, shapes and stories. Our identity is not just in deep. It's woven into the very fabric of who we are, and that's why it's so important to own your narratives, your strengths and your experiences. As we go through life, we all have different cultures, different expectations, externally and internally. It's so important to become really aware of who you are aware of who you want to be.

I was raised in the UK and also in Africa, in Nigeria, and the culture in both places is so different. One of the things that really struck me as a young black girl growing up in Africa was the emphasis on the male child, and in the tribe actually come from, it was even more pronounced that if you did not have a male child, you had no one to carry on your name or legacy. As I grew up, I started wondering the impact this had on me and as a young girl it actually made me feel inadequate, unimportant. But one thing I'm so grateful to God for was the kind of mother I had. My mother, bless her soul, was such a strong force that she had two girls and the pressure on her or discrimination and biases were immense. But she raised us to be strong women. She made us see ourselves as important and value ourselves, and that really helped me immensely.

Today, in the work I do as a neuroleadership consultant and coach, I see so many women who feel lost because of this identity crisis, of growing up, when you're brought up to feel that you're not important or that you're less important than a boy, child or than a man and this is why I'm specifically doing this podcast today is to really get you as a woman, especially a black woman. There's the bias in the culture when you really look at the data, of where women are. Yes, we talk a lot about women empowerment, but the black woman is even more disadvantaged, and I've told on this podcast how I was working in a place with an Englishman doing the same role it wasn't actually the same role because I was managing a bigger area than he was and he was paid about 10K more than I was and when I found out and I approached the leadership team and HR, they did not do anything about it. So you kind of have this notion of where are you. I must say that that experience even propelled me more to get the best for myself, which I did. So, even though they did not increase my pay, actually got out of them something that was higher than my pay grade and actually helped me when I then launched out on my own to set up my own business. But it also helped me to help so many other women understand how to negotiate for themselves this power of our brain in terms of how we think and how we perceive ourselves.

The value we place on ourselves is so important, because if you do not value who you are, if you do not know who you are, who you are, then you will struggle to actually achieve much or get what you want for yourself. There's also the interesting aspect of when we talk about value. The thing about value is if you, if your identity of who you are, is wrong, your value of yourself would be so low as well, and that's why in organizations, you see a lot of women leaders who try to be men or true, who try to act like them. Act like a man. You don't need to to be influential. You don't need to do that. You don't need to be somebody else to achieve the success you want. That is when you start feeling very Inauthentic and it actually comes across that you're not being authentic. The issue of identity also Becomes a problem where you see a lot of women Leaders or women, in particular women in business, who constantly compare themselves to other people and not able to Achieve what is right for them. And this actually brings me to the topic of Puppies. Puppies is like the not star. It guides us through life's voyage.

Mal's Monroe is quoted as rightly saying that you don't find purpose, rather, you discover Purpose. Your purpose has always been there. It's your why, the driving force behind your actions. So, for every single person, it's important For you to discover what your purpose is. It's important to nurture your passions, your skills and your values and align them with opportunities that come your way to enable you rise and thrive. The problem is, you will not see the opportunities that will get you to your purpose If you don't know what that purpose is and if your values are wrong.

Now, values, like I was saying, come from your upbringing, your culture, what you've been exposed to, what you're exposed to through education, through your teachers. So it's important, as an adult, but also as an adult, we need to teach the young, the children, our youth, how to look deep into themselves and understand the values that have been wired into them or Into us, so you can make the decision if that value is truly what you want it to be and if it will get you to where you want to go. Because if you have the wrong value, it will take you to the wrong destination, where you are achieving the wrong thing. That and then that's why you hear, a lot of times, people saying that they don't feel Fulfilled, they don't feel that they're enjoying what they're doing. So it's so important to really understand what your purpose is, so that when life happens maybe you've been made redundant, maybe your business fails, different challenges happen in your relationship you're able to come back to your purpose and align yourself and make sure that you don't deviate out of it because of the challenge that you face. Because when we go through challenges, our emotional brain gets activated and if you don't take that control, it will direct you to take actions or lead you off course. So it's important to be in control by coming back to your value, coming back to your purpose, rather and it's also important to remember that purpose isn't static. It evolves as we journey through the different stages of life and it's actually unfolding as you go through life. But you've got to go through life to really understand what your full purpose is, and that means taking action, that means doing something and not just staying still and waiting for things to happen for you.

I just want to take a minute here and announce the reopening of membership registrations at the MindSight Women's Network. This is a network that I set up to bring women together to really dig deep into scripture, using science and scripture to truly understand what our purpose and values and identity is, to enable us to live the life that we are called to live. So, since this exceptional opportunity to join a community where unique amalgamation of science and biblical principles flourish, empowering women like you to thrive beyond boundaries, our network is not just a membership. It's a transformative journey and it's your opportunity to dive into an enriching environment where you can cultivate resilience, nurture meaningful connections and embolden your spirit. At MindSight Women's Network, you will experience the powerful convergence of collective wisdom and individual growth. Don't miss your chance to be part of a network that reverberates with empowerment and profound insight, uniquely designed to foster the flourishing of women in manifold dimensions of life. You can join our waiting list now to ensure that you join and embark on this transformative journey where you're empowered to thrive.

So back to our journey. Let's explore success now. Success isn't a one size fits all concept, so you need to define what success means to you. The amount of times people have come to me for coaching and we start talking about success, they can't even define what it means to them. A lot of times, people are defining success by somebody else definition of success. So you need to define what success means to you, and this will align with the purpose we talked about previously. And once you define what success means to you, then you need to set goals.

And setting goals is a very important one, especially as we come to this time of the year where everybody starts talking about setting goals and I created a program about this a few years ago, which is now part of this MindSight Women's Network because the problem is what a lot of people do is it's time to set goals. Okay, I need to sit down and brainstorm and then just jot down the goals I'm setting, and that's why most times, you don't achieve them or you get a midway through. When life happens or challenges happen, you find yourself giving reasons why you can't take the actions you know you need to take to achieve those goals. You know what I'm talking about the self-subtract, the procrastination, those things that come up when the brain starts telling you put it off, we'll do it later. The reason for that is that your goals are not aligned with your emotional brain. What do I mean by that? But when you're setting goals a lot of times we're setting goals consciously what actually will enable you achieve those goals is when it's connected to your subconscious brain, because that's connected to your purpose, connected to who you truly are and where you want to go, and that's what will enable you to stay resilient, stay motivated, that's what will keep the passion going, that's what, when the passion even goes down because of life, you're able to stay focused. And the honest truth is, as human beings, most times we can't do this on our own, and that's why we need connecting to people. So crafting a path that resonates with your aspirations is so important. Celebrate each milestone you achieve, because this is what will enable you to keep going, to reach the end and achieve that success. And celebrate these milestones, no matter how small, because every step forward is a triumph over challenges that you faced.

Finally, but profoundly significant, is mental well-being. It's essential to nourish our minds as we do our bodies. And you know something? I ask people the things that you say to yourself in your mind would you actually say to somebody else? Would you tell somebody those things you tell yourself? It's unbelievable how cruel human beings can be to themselves. It's unbelievable how women in particular can be so self-critical of themselves, but they are quick to give other people advice, but we don't take the advice ourselves. So you need to stop and start paying attention to what you tell yourself.

When you're in a relationship and you're unhappy, what do you do? A lot of women don't say anything the amount of women going through divorce in toxic relationships and they keep quiet because of the shame, because of what the church will say. And this is where you need to be so careful, because in suppressing and keeping a lot of that inward and not doing anything about it is even more harmful to you, to your body, because that will create a lot of anxiety, consistent anxiety and consistent stress, which then damages ourselves and can then lead to different types of ailments. And that's the whole point of disease when we move away from ease and it becomes a disease. So knowing how to speak to is important, doing something about your situation is important, and it's worth remembering that the only person you can change is yourself, and that change has to start from what you're telling yourself, from your thought process.

You are in control of who you are. You've got to be intentional about what you want. Stop living your life for other people. Take time out for yourself to do what you enjoy doing. Take time out for yourself to just be you, to think about what you want to read, to walk, to exercise if you enjoy exercising, going for coffee but don't suppress emotions. Experience what you're going through and reach out to the right people for help. And this is where I would say that our churches need to start being more helpful.

When women struggle in church, they keep quiet because most times when they speak out, they are told to go and pray. Praying is good, but that's not enough. You need to understand, as a woman, that you're not a second class citizen. You don't have to be oppressed by anyone and stop relying on someone to love you. Do you understand what I mean? Love yourself first. Remember that God loves you above anyone and anything. But love yourself first so that somebody else that you're expecting to love you doesn't and it completely throws you.

Manage your expectations of other people when you're in a situation that you're not happy. Stop and reflect on yourself first to see what the situation is, and if it's one that is toxic, that is dangerous, then look after yourself by getting out. If it's one that you're putting expectations onto somebody else to give you something, give you love, give you affection, give you finances. First and foremost, do it for yourself. Love yourself. What do you need to do to give yourself finances? Do you need to start a business, and you can start small. Do you need to get a skill? Do you need to build up your skills so that you can do something that will give you the success and the finances you need? My message literally is you can. You really really can. You can do all things. You are enough. Surround yourself with positivity, and that includes what you're telling yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy and don't hesitate to seek professional advice when needed.

If you're listening to this podcast and you really want to talk to someone, I'm gonna put a link in the description. Book a call with me and let's have a chat. Don't stay as a victim. Arise and do what you've been called to do. There are people out there waiting for you, waiting for that gift that you have to help them. So reach out and let's talk. As I wrap up this episode, remember your path is uniquely beautiful and your path is uniquely yours. Own it. Continue nurturing your identity, walking in your purpose, chasing your success and taking care of your mental health. Stay empowered in, build with the richness of our shared heritage and incredible power of our potentials. And before you go, don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. It's a simple way to support us and it ensures that essential conversations like this keep coming your way. Thank you for joining today and remember you're not alone on this journey. Stay empowered and excel in every area of your life. Remember you are limitless.