Overcoming Adversity and Helping Women Get Visible with Mildred Talabi - E97

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome, welcome, welcome. You're tuning in to the Lead to Excel podcast, the hub where science meets leadership and transformation begins. I'm your host, maureen Cheyanna, founder of the Mindsight Academy, a trail of neuroleadership. I'm an executive neurocoach, leadership transformer and a neuroscience enthusiast, dedicated to empowering leaders, entrepreneurs and change makers like you. Every week, we delve into the heart of neuroscience to learn how you can unleash your potential, master your brain, manage emotions yours and others alter behaviors and exceed expectations. We are here to help you not just to survive, but thrive and flourish in the fast-paced world.

Speaker 1: 1:02

We are about to kick off another high-impact episode today, diving into a topic that is powerful, intriguing and has the potential to shift your leadership journey. So, my friends, it's time to put on your thinking caps, grab your favorite bep and get comfortable. It's time to elevate your leadership, to excel and so, hire, let's dive right in. We are back again with another episode of Lead to Excel podcast, and today I am really looking forward to actually having this chat with Mildred Talavi. Mildred is great and amazing and wonderful, and I'm excited to have you on this podcast today.

Speaker 2: 1:53

Thank you so much, maureen, and you are equally great and wonderful. I look forward to our conversation.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Thanks so much, so Mildred. I'm just going to dive right in here and I'll get you to kind of introduce yourself and tell us what you do, and then we will take it from there.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Sure well, at the moment, the hat that I'm wearing is I am a LinkedIn visibility and personal branding coach for a primarily served woman senior leaders and careers and women in business. So essentially, what I do is to help women build powerful, authentic personal brands through being visible on LinkedIn. So, yeah, I love it. It's very rewarding, very fulfilling work and definitely wasn't what I thought I'd be doing when I started my career many, many years ago, but it is what I'm doing now and I love it.

Speaker 1: 2:51

So it's interesting you said that. So what was the plan before what this came about?

Speaker 2: 3:00

Well, the real plan was at some point I wanted to build a media empire, like Rupert Murdoch because my background is journalism, so I trained as a journalist and I worked in the media for a bit before I moved into PR and then communications and then I always had a business on the side. So I've been entrepreneurial for really young, because my dad's done all kinds of stuff, so it's in my blood. So at one point the big vision was like right, I'm going to build a media empire so, and I started kind of going down that pathway at 19,. I started a magazine. I created a magazine while I was at university, use my student loans to do it, and then we quickly ran out of money so we only had like one edition. But that was the beginning and the end of the media empire. So fast forward.

Speaker 2: 3:56

You know, two decades later, social media, LinkedIn wasn't even around. Now this is giving away my age, but LinkedIn wasn't even around when I was doing my career and going along the career path. So to think that I would come to specialize in the whole idea of personal branding and doing it by LinkedIn is just. That wasn't even on the cards. But it's amazing where your career can take you when you just follow the leading on the inside. That I like to call your inner vocation, you know. So, unless it's where it's taking me today, and it's pretty exciting.

Speaker 1: 4:31

Amazing. I'm going to come back to that pivoting and how you came into it. But so let's get to really get to know you a bit more. So if you tell us a bit of your background, so you grew up in London, is that correct?

Speaker 2: 4:52

Yes, yes, I did. I grew up in London, but I was actually born in Nigeria, you know. So I came over to England with my family when I was very little I'm not that little, I was in primary school age, so and then, yeah, but I spent I've spent the rest of my life here in the UK, first London and now Kent's where I live.

Speaker 1: 5:14

And Nigeria is still home, even though I haven't been since I came here, which is terrible, but I do To go.

Speaker 2: 5:20

I know I should, I should right, but I do have that connection, being that it's my cultural background. But I do call the UK home. I am one of five children, so number four out of five. So classic middle child syndrome stuff growing up, you know, very independent, very kind of left to my own devices, sort of thing. So yeah, today I'm a happily married wife and a mom of two daughters and enjoying this phase of life that I find myself in at the moment.

Speaker 1: 5:54

That's so cool. So you said that your dad was always doing things, because that interests me a lot, because I'm always fascinated by how what we do as adults has something to do with what we see when we are children. And you know, it always brings me back to that whole brain nurturing what the brain sees. So tell us a bit about that in terms of you know what your dad was doing and the first time you found yourself running a business because I know I spoke to you before and it wasn't when you were 19. So that would be interesting to hear.

Speaker 2: 6:35

Yeah, it's really funny because I didn't know what business was and I didn't know that my dad was an entrepreneur. There's a difference between an entrepreneur and a business person kind of thing, and I learned this later on Because sometimes as an entrepreneur you essentially yourself employed and there's a difference between being self-employed and owning a business. So my dad was an entrepreneur. He had different ideas he followed, but he was self-employed like pretty much for most of his life. One of the things I remember he had a photography studio. You know that he used to back in. I was, as I said, I was little when we left Nigeria, but I remember he had a big studio in Nigeria where he was doing photos and all that kind of stuff before we had to come over.

Speaker 2: 7:20

So I think for the influence was more subconscious than conscious and also it must be in my DNA somewhere because, like my all my, the five siblings, every single one of us have gone into our own business, except for one, you know. But even then that sister, she has doubled in business and then decided career is for her, you know. So every single one of us has gone into business. My first business was at the age of 11, you know which I started, me and my brothers and sisters. We started a typing business. You know a typing service, so this is honestly, you really I'm really dating myself here.

Speaker 2: 8:03

I do remember typewriters, you know. So I remember typewriters. My dad was and is an author, so he's written about and published about, so published about 27 books today, you know. So there was a time when he used to manually write his books pen and paper and then he upgraded to like typing his books on the typewriter and then when computers came in, he bought a computer and guess what he was like? Huh, I've got five children my little brother was too young at the time but they can type this stuff for me, you know, and they can do it for free, as free labor.

Speaker 2: 8:44

So we used to type my dad's manuscripts for his books and they were, I'm telling you, maury, they were thick, they were like this thick and we would take like turns every week during the weekends to type bits of it.

Speaker 2: 9:00

And after a while of doing this, we all kind of thought you know what, if my dad has got this need, and now that more people are getting computers, there must be other people like my dad who have got stuff that they want to type and we can charge them to do it. You know, and that was how our business, which was called Lynx Typing Service, you know, was born. We created that business my brother, who's amazing at art and design, my older brother, he created the logo and the flyers and we went out to the station nearest at the time I was living in Leighton East London and we went to the station and we started handing out flyers, you know, and it took yeah, it wasn't long, it was maybe a couple of weeks and then we got our first business. You know, our first person who paid us was like a professor or something who was he wanted his, his thesis typed. And then we had other, mainly academics, would pay us to type their stuff and we're like this is good business.

Speaker 1: 9:56

And then, and then school got in the way, because we had to go back to school because of due, some oddities within most of this, and that was where the business ended, from there that's incredible though and it just brings me back to that point that because our brains are wired subconsciously as children and you see how you guys saw what your dad did, because for you, for as for young kids at that age to think, see, we're doing it for our dad, so we might as well make money from this, that's, that's really, that's special, that's great. And when you say typewriters, gosh, I remember those days of typewriters, you know. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:39

I still have one in my garage somewhere.

Speaker 2: 10:41

Yeah, it's probably worth a lot. Right now, we still got one, you know.

Speaker 1: 10:46

I'm gonna go searching, because I think I do have one. Yeah, that's, that's good, great memories, right? Okay, so now, with that foundation, you then started your career. Why LinkedIn in particular, and why women specifically?

Speaker 2: 11:08

Sure. So, as I said I was, I had the media career and I had the business like side by side. I was side hustling for my entire career and one of the businesses that I had for a long time was a CV makeover business. So this is where I was writing CVs. If you have an international audience, raise your maze, you know, for mid to senior level professionals and I would help them to get jobs with the CVs that I would write for them, because one of the things I've always been good at from very young is writing. You know writing, editing words, it's that just they came natural to me and you know I was.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Well, it's a nice dad that has written how many books that exactly Right.

Speaker 2: 11:53

So it was in the blood. You know, as one of those annoying kids that would like be correcting people's work, you know, whether you ask for it or not, you know I was, I would do it. So. So that was always something I was good at and that's how I ended up starting the CV business. Because actually I was working for a magazine at the time and I was assistant editor and part of my job was to recruit people into the role and then into different roles, and then I used to get CVs and cover letters and most of them were just rubbish. You know, I was like why can't people just write a good CV and cover letter and then another light bulb whenever you see a problem and you can meet that need? That is called a business. You know that is a business. So I was like here's the problem. I've got the skills to meet this need. And again, my brother design flies for me and that was the. I was in business and that that took off. Gradually took off my CV business. I ended up running workshops, writing two books around jump hunting and speaking in different places.

Speaker 2: 12:57

But LinkedIn was a place where I was fine and at the time I wasn't intentional about building my profile on LinkedIn. I was just there, maybe, like some of you listen, I was there because it's where you needed to be if you're a professional, but I would find that people would contact me and approach me through LinkedIn on a fairly regular basis and most of my business came through LinkedIn and this was me doing little activity. And then I also found that LinkedIn was also helped with my career but that's something for another point, possibly a little explore later. But because of that I started to see that actually LinkedIn as a platform is quite powerful, you know, and in those days it was still kind of an early days in terms of people clocking on to the fact that you can use it as more than just a job search site, you know so, and fast forward the process of this.

Speaker 2: 13:50

I did about 12 years in this business and I got to the point where at this time I was also doing LinkedIn profiles and CVs for people. But I was realizing that there's more to LinkedIn than just the profile. I was like you know what I'm sick of talking about CVs now, because after two years I've said everything I can say, but I really want to hone in on LinkedIn because I felt I felt very much led to focus on this platform. You know and again, I mentioned earlier about this inner vocation thing and I called it like you know, if you're a spiritual person, you know you might recognize it as leading of the Holy Spirit but I felt very much led to kind of focus on LinkedIn as a platform in terms of this is where the future is, you know.

Speaker 2: 14:33

So, beginning of 2020, I dabbled all my energy from all the different platforms to focus on LinkedIn. I bought every book I could get my hands on, went to courses, you know, paid for programs, everything just to kind of deep dive to and knew some stuff about it. But I wanted to know everything, you know, everything there was to know. And then I emerged from that and joined a challenge. You know somebody was running a 30 day challenge on LinkedIn to kind of help you to post every day on 30 days. That was a challenge go from wherever you are to posting every single day on LinkedIn for 30 days to help start the journey to visibility. And I was like OK.

Speaker 2: 15:15

I'm going to do it, you know, and I did it, and it was a challenge.

Speaker 2: 15:19

But I didn't stop After those 30 days. I didn't stop. I kept on posting every day on LinkedIn and now I've been posting every single week down LinkedIn for almost four years now and I still have a lot more to say. But in the process of doing that, I really kind of started to teach people what I've learned about using LinkedIn as a platform to build your brand, but specifically using the visibility method, because this is where my journalism and media background comes into it in terms of.

Speaker 2: 15:51

I knew from working in that arena that very often it's not the person who's most knowledgeable, who's being asked to contribute to all these different things, to feature in the news, to be to give a quote as a source, whatever it is. It's the person who is most visible, you know. So the question is can we see you? You know you can be the best at what you do. Do we know about you? Do other people know about you? Do the people that need to know about you know about you? Can they see you? Can they hear you? Will they remember you? And if you can't answer yes to that question, it's probably because you're not visible and that's going to limit the opportunities that you get to advance your career and your business. So that's why I started kind of really preaching that message. My book is called Start being Visible and the podcast I recently launched is called Start being Visible, because my mantra is for you to start being visible and do it today.

Speaker 1: 16:47

That's amazing and congratulations on the launch of your podcast. So and I'll put the link in the description as well, for the podcast and your book and any other thing actually. So, coming back to visibility, for someone that says, because you ask questions now, are you being seen? Can people, if you know, do people recognize you, and all those. If someone then asks how do I know if I'm being visible, how do you answer that you know and I'm just talking. For someone that says I see, I'm posting, I'm talking, but I don't know if I'm being visible. So how do we, how does one know?

Speaker 2: 20:16

That's a good question and I do have a. I have a measure. So when I do coaching my clients and I work with the women that I work with sometimes men too but what I really say to them is there's three things that's going to come out of your visibility. These are ways that you can measure that it's working. Number one is an increase in your influence. You know so how are you increasingly influenced? The people around you saying things to you like oh you know that post resonated, oh you said this the other day, or LinkedIn or wherever, and it made me think of this or it made me do this. That's called influence. You're affecting the minds, the behavior of people around you. The second one is that you're going to increase your income. You know there will be opportunities that come your way to increase your income. Other people are inviting you to things like speaking engagements, or maybe you're getting a job promotion in your current role or you're being headhunted for a new role. Or, if you're in business, you're getting more clients because more people are seeing you. And actually also, if you're in business, you can actually get charged more when you have a stronger personal brand, because now people are not just looking for someone who does something like you. They're looking to work with you specifically. You know so. Your income will increase as a result of being visible.

Speaker 2: 21:36

And then the last one is your impact. You know so. This is about the footsteps you leave in the world. You know the change that you really want to make. How can you make a change, how can you make an impact in the world around you for the longer term without being visible?

Speaker 2: 21:52

You know so, when you start being visible and people start to see you or like, maybe like and this is it for a lot of us the particular causes that maybe you're passionate about, you know. To make an impact there, your voice needs to be heard, and in order for your voice to be heard, you need to be visible, you need to be elevated. You know this is why celebrities are so good at like campaigns and all of that. People go to celebrities to promote particular campaigns and to be ambassadors because they are visible, and when they lend their voice to a cause, it makes an impact. You can replicate that same thing as you build your own profile on platforms, at LinkedIn and beyond. So now, when you speak, when you say something, you have a contribution to make that will impact the field that you're passionate about. So those three things, you will see your influence increased in, your income will increase and your impact will increase when you start being invisible.

Speaker 1: 22:49

That's actually really good. Thank you for sharing that, because a lot of times, people on show what's how to, how they know if they're being visible. So, yeah, no, that's, that's really great, thank you. Now I want to move on a bit into all before I do. Actually, how do people work with you? And I'm bringing this here because I want us to go into something else which I'm going to explain in a second so, how do people work with you, how you know what's the journey like for them and you can give us an example or a case study of someone you've worked with and the difference that it made?

Speaker 2: 23:33

Yeah, absolutely. I think what I love most about the the work that I do and and I actually asked me a question about why women that I didn't I forgot to answer, you know. So the reason I love working with women in particular is that we tend to have, as women, certain hang ups around really showing up. You know that sometimes men don't have in the same way, so we get overly concerned about what other people think of us. We might not like ourselves, the way we look, the way we sound. Sometimes we have what's being termed as imposter syndrome, you know, in terms of not feeling like you belong in a room or that you should really be there, that you should have a seat at the table. You know all of these are issues that I've encountered in clients that I've worked with is now. So showing up on LinkedIn and being visible is more than just about what should I post today, you know, because before we even get to the point of what should I post today, there are a lot of barriers that we overcome and I help my clients to overcome, you know, in terms of their resistance to be invisible in the first place. So we work through those challenges and then we get to the place of okay. Once we get through those challenges, what is the message that you want to communicate to the world? And I know message sounds big and grand, and by that is simply, if you have a business, there's a particular message that you want to communicate to reach your audience. So, because there's a particular type of people that you serve and there's a particular service that you provide for them, all of that is your message and it's about if you're going to be effective and be invisible, and it's about learning how to communicate that message really well, first on your personal profile and then on the content that you put out. So these are the things that I work with my women on, and then also on the business front as well. We look at how you structure your business, because business coaching is actually a key part of what I do in my work is how do you structure a business that's profitable as well as visible? We look at things like getting clarity around your services and the pricing strategies, all of that.

Speaker 2: 25:46

But to give you an example, one of my favorite examples of clients that I've worked with is I won't give her a name, but there's a lady, let's call her Dana. I give them different names each time. I just give them the same name, but let's call her Dana. Dana is one of my favorite clients because when she first reached out to me, she started to reach out to me on LinkedIn via direct messaging. Now, she didn't comment on my posts, didn't like my posts publicly, but she would go behind the scenes and message me about things.

Speaker 2: 26:26

Now, at first I thought Dana wasn't a real person because her profile picture was a cartoon, cartoon character Now, and I was like kind of 50-50 about engaging with her because I'm like I don't know, is this one of these spammers, is this a bot? But then she would tune into my LinkedIn live sessions and she would come and she would message me and comment. And then she finally said to me Mildred, I'm ready to be visible. I've been watching you for a while. I'm ready to be visible. Can we talk? So we get on a phone call and she's a real person.

Speaker 2: 27:01

And the first thing I asked her was like why the cartoon? Why the cartoon as a profile picture? She said that is how much I hated the idea of showing up. I didn't even want to use a real picture of myself because I wanted to stay hidden. I didn't want people to see me. But she's like I'm done with that now. It's been years. This has been my life for years. I'm done with that. I'm in a place where I have this business that I'm trying to grow and I know that I can't do it in hiding anymore. I need to start the process of being visible. I need to start coming out on LinkedIn to build my clients.

Speaker 2: 27:36

So she joined one of my programs, one of my group coaching programs, and over a period of a few months I saw her slowly transform. She came out of a shell, she started to find her voice. She started to use her voice. She started to put out posts on LinkedIn Fast forward.

Speaker 2: 27:53

Now it's been about a year or so since we finished working together and I see her on LinkedIn and every time I do, my heart just glows, because she regularly puts out content. She even puts out videos. She puts out videos on a regular basis. She's established like a community on LinkedIn that's plugged into the work that she does. She's confidently showing up, she has a voice and her business is doing well and going from strength to strength as a result, and none of that would have happened had she not decided to push past that comfort zone, to reach out and get help and to actually take the actions and implement what was required for her to transform her life. So it's absolutely the transformation that comes when you start being visible. Honestly, I cannot oversell it because it is amazing and it will do great benefits for your personal and your professional life when you start that journey.

Speaker 1: 28:50

That's so true. Of course, that is a great case study. Actually, that's a great one because there are so many people who are lurkers no face, no voice so that's a good one. Anyone out there that is like that and knows that they do need to show up, please do something, even if you don't feel like it. I think the example you gave you got to a point that she was fed up of lurking. I would say that honestly. Even if you are the point that you know you need to do it but you don't feel ready, reach out to Mildred, because that's the whole point of the coaching she can help you through that process. So thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 1: 29:34

Mildred, I've known you for quite a few years on LinkedIn actually, we've never met in person, which we need to do something about but it was recently. You posted something that really got me and I went oh my gosh, I've got to speak to Mildred and I've got to get you onto the podcast, and that was something you went through recently or a few years ago. Could you just share that story with us please, because I think it's one that people need to hear, and your journey through it was just incredible and just seeing the power of God come through just blew my mind, so I'll let you share the story with us.

Speaker 2: 30:27

Thanks, maureen. Yes, because I posted about this back in the beginning of. Where are we now? October, that's the beginning of September.

Speaker 2: 30:37

So four years ago, in the month of September in 2019, I went to well, I was on my way to work and I ended up collapsing outside of work and woke up in the hospital. And the long version of the, the short version of a long story, is, by the time I woke up in the hospital and they checked me over, they said Mildred was sorry to tell you, but we've discovered a brain tumor. So I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and prior to that, actually, I had been living for quite a few months prior to that day, with incredibly excruciating pain at the back of my head and the back of my neck that area there. So I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what was wrong, and they did all kinds of tests prior to that and they didn't know exactly what the issue was. And then, on this day where I just collapsed outside of work, woke up in hospital, they were able to determine and tell me that it was a brain tumor. So what happened was I then ended up having to stay in hospital for that whole month of September they operated on the tumor, took it out surgery. It was the tumor, it's a. It's the tumor. The exact name is called an ependymoma. So it was a, not malignant, it was a benign. It was a benign tumor, you know. But the place that it was located was under my stem cells in the back of my head, so the place that very close to the place that controlled the movement. So what they told me at the time was this the tumor we could see is so intertwined with your stem cells that we have to carefully operate because if we don't, we might get rid of the healthy cells and that's going to cause problems in how you move and operate and all of that.

Speaker 2: 32:29

So you know, we needed all the bray is being able to make sure that the surgeon performed the surgery to the best of their ability. And they did an excellent job and they were able to remove pretty much all the tumor, you know. And so, yeah, there's a small bit remaining that they wanted me to do radiotherapy on to get rid of. And I was like you know what and and I'm a person of faith when I was that, listen, you know, god has brought me this far, he's gonna take me all the way through. So I don't. I believe that whatever's left is gonna go, because it's so small and Radio therapy has so much side effects and by the time they finish telling me all the side effects of it and how I'll basically be Like a Quarter of myself once is done I thought, no, this is not something that I want to go through again.

Speaker 2: 33:22

So I did the, we did the surgery, and I prayed that that surgery would take out whatever was needed, as much of it as possible. And it did, you know, and I spent a few days after that in intensive care, getting back To myself, recovering, spent some time in hospital, just kind of learning how to re-walk again. You know, I was constantly blacking out. It took about three months After returning home before I didn't black out anymore Like I wouldn't. I'll be talking to you as we are now more in the middle of conversation and I'll be just I'll disappear for like and come back like three minutes later with right now and because I would have gone, you know so would you remember the conversation you were having?

Speaker 2: 34:07

I would not, you know, I would not remember is literally like and a lot of it was when I got home. It's like my husband would be like. You know, that's what it goes.

Speaker 2: 34:17

Why are you like come, I'll come back and be saying this I'm not what happened, what, what? What happened? Like I had no Recollection of what just happened, because if one minute I was there, next minute I wasn't, you know. And then other things like I would like, just I couldn't make it to the toilet on my own, you know, because again I could black out and faint, you know. And I had two young kids at the time. My kids, my girls, were three and four, you know, they're a bit older now. But so even things like taking my little one to nursery Because my husband took my older one and then the little one I used to walk her to nursery around the corner, but after the operation I couldn't even do that on my own because it wasn't safe, because I could black out at any minute, and then doing that over the puddle I wasn't, you know, it was very dangerous. So I felt good, I had a lot of Friends, family support, you know, a lot of. Even my neighbors, you know, came round, everybody rally together and just kind of supported not just me but my family through that whole Situation, you know.

Speaker 2: 35:20

And then, yeah, today, four years later, I think, god, I'm a hundred percent whole, walking was all recovered, driving, all of those things I took for granted I wasn't able to do, and I must. Like a year of the tumor and the surgery. I can do all of that again today. So every year, part of how I mark the occasion is I put a post out on LinkedIn twice a year. I talk about it on the anniversary and then the second time is when I go in for my checkup with my surgeon, which I do once a year now, and he gives me the all-clear. So those two periods I use it as like a memorial days.

Speaker 2: 35:59

You know, just kind of to reflect and, you know, praise God for the fact that I'm still here and also inspire other people, because as we talk about this whole being visible and you see people out there, you just don't know what people are going through or have been through behind closed doors. You know, sometimes it's easy to think, oh, it's easy for that person to be visible because their life is great and all of that. No, it's not, you know. So, whatever you're going through, I guarantee you that there is space for you to start being visible, to show up with that, because that is going to encourage Somebody else in your world when you show up as yourself. So I'm grateful that I'm here today to tell the story.

Speaker 1: 36:44

Absolutely. I'm so grateful that you're here today to tell the story honestly. So, in terms of your memory, did it impact any? Any of your memory, whether long-term, short-term, immediate, during that period or even later, was any of your memory impacted?

Speaker 2: 37:08

This is the amazing thing not even a single bit of my memory, because they, they told me that. My surgeon told me that. So the Tuma was connected to my brain, the stem cells, you know. So the part that controlled the movement, as opposed to the part of my brain that controlled my thinking. So my thinking was still like sharp, you know, I was even running my business, like you know, because I'm not the kind of person I'm not trying to lay down a bit all day long, even when I was at the hospital, right, you know, afterwards I wanted to keep my mind like going.

Speaker 2: 37:44

So when I, as soon as I could, I started, you know, trying to do bits of my business Again, because I could think, I could, you know, use my brain, but I just physically I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do. My body would not respond. I would say walk, and it would collapse my legs before love up. You know, I'd want to be up and I had fatigue, I was tired all the time, you know, slept like a baby, you know, except a painful, very painful baby because I was in steroids and stuff. But yeah, but it was that whole period of time. It was just a physical thing rather than a mental thing, which again, I'm really grateful about because, yeah, because that recovery can be a challenge as well. You know Exactly, yeah, for those that are watching on audio, mildred was pointing to her brainstem area, just at the base of her brain. So, yeah, interesting.

Speaker 1: 38:30

So, in terms of the radiotherapy, I think it's a very good idea to do that Just at the base of her brain. So, yeah, interesting. So in terms of the radiotherapy, you never had that. You, that didn't happen.

Speaker 2: 38:44

No, it didn't. I refused the radiotherapy because after they told me, after the operation and etc. Is when I went in for my first checkup with the doctors a few months after and they gave me that option, they said it is optional, we recommend that you do it and also to keep it from coming back in future. But honestly, when they went through that whole shopping list of all the side effects you know and I would have part, and also I would have to be checking into the hospital on a daily basis to get injected, and then I would be lethargic, I can put on weight, and then all of this all kinds of just basically incredibly reduced the quality of my life, potentially for something that could never happen in terms of it coming back or growing or getting bigger. And I was like at that point I was like, you know, even this faith in Christ is real or it's not. You know and you know, and for me it is because that is one of the things that got me through that whole episode of my brain tumor and that whole even making sense of even coming out of it with like a smile on my face is because I had Jesus to go through it with me.

Speaker 2: 39:54

I had my faith, you know, and I honestly feel, and at those times I was like I honestly don't know how people go through hard things without having some kind of faith.

Speaker 2: 40:03

And this is not a judgmental way, it's like, because for me it was such an ankle to get me through that, because I could pray, I could talk to God, I could complain at God, knowing that there's, he is out there, he's a real person, you know and knowing that my situation was not it might have been out of my control, but it wasn't out of his control, you know knowing that there's a plan that he has for my life, and one of the things I was so very sure I wasn't going to die anywhere, because I'm like, listen, god, I ain't even done half the things that you put on his side.

Speaker 2: 40:37

So I know that this is not my time. So, because this is not my time, this must be a trial and I can get through it, you know, because your grace is sufficient for me to get through the trial. So, and, and indeed it got me through plenty of times I cried, plenty of times, I was angry. Plenty of times I was frustrated, so it didn't go through it all smiling, but I got through it, you know, and now I can smile, looking back exactly.

Speaker 1: 41:06

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much and I love the way you said see, you could cry. You know, little times we are frustrated, but what got you through was your faith in God. That was your anchor. So it's not saying because a lot of times people feel as a Christian, I shouldn't feel. No, you need to feel it. Feel the feelings, but with the knowing and where you anchor yourself, that really makes a difference. That is really something. I was actually going to ask you something about the feelings and I might just dig a bit into that, whether times that you question God or whether times that you felt that self pity and I know you said God was the anchor. But if you can just dig deeper into us, what you did at those times to get you through would be helpful, helpful, yeah yeah, it's in terms of did I, did I ever question God?

Speaker 2: 42:04

so I became a. I was born a Christian and I'm putting my fingers up for the audio people speech marks right. I was born a Christian in terms of. I grew up in a Christian home, but actually what that meant I was just a church girl, you know. So at the age of 19 was when I made the choice to became a Christian, because that's when I understood what it meant and I became a born again Christian at 19, now probably a man.

Speaker 2: 42:31

Good, in my journey, relationship with God, we've been through stuff. I'm the kind of person, right, if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. You know, if I'm going to commit to something, I will commit the whole way, all in or all out. That's exactly it all in or all out. So I remember in the beginning of when I got saved, I'm like, good, if this Christianity thing is real, then I'm all the way in and I need to know you and I need to know you properly.

Speaker 2: 42:57

I don't want none of this church business, you know, because I'm not here for that. So that from the beginning it's like God's been taking me on a journey of actual intimacy where like, and that's been growing over the years. So I have a tattoo on my arm which one of the two scriptures one of them, says sound 34, one you know, and it's a, which is I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth. You know, I've had this for many, many years, you know, but that is like my reminder of whatever I go through, the praise of God is still be in my mouth, cause I've been through enough with him and come out the other side to not have to question him again.

Speaker 1: 43:40

You know. So that's like why did you have that tattoo done?

Speaker 2: 43:44

It's about 12 years ago.

Speaker 1: 43:46

Oh, wow.

Speaker 2: 43:46

Yeah, so it's about 12 years ago, so there's a lot, you know. So that for me is like a covenant that we have, so, whatever else happens, let everyone else be wrong, but it ain't Jesus. He's not wrong, you know. So that's one of the things. So I knew that, like, whatever's going on here, god is not at fault, because he's on my side. He's always been on my side. So that was the one thing in the beginning. And then also, really strangely, there was this song that came to me that I played again, and again and again in the hospital. I don't know why that song, I don't know why that version is called no Longer Aslave by Zach Williams.

Speaker 2: 44:29

Longer Aslave to oh, I love that song, yes yeah, yeah, I would have sung it, but singing is not one of my gifts, not one of my.

Speaker 1: 44:39

But yeah, I do love singing, even though my voice, when my sister in particular hears me singing, she goes. Please can you stop.

Speaker 2: 44:49

My family, too, exactly the same thing. My husband sings, I don't, and my girls are like please. Just, everyone's always like please.

Speaker 1: 44:57

I'm like well, God loves my singing.

Speaker 2: 44:58

That's all that matters. Yes, exactly, that's a good one.

Speaker 1: 45:03

Let me just sing that again. I love it. I'm no longer a slave to pain. I think it says To fear.

Speaker 2: 45:10

I think you're going to get to fear.

Speaker 1: 45:12

Yes, I am a child. Okay, I'll start it again. I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God. I love that, and so appropriate for what you are going through, because in that kind of situation, that's when fear comes, that's when the doubt comes, that's when the frustration takes over. Wow, wow, yes, yes, yes, continue, continue.

Speaker 2: 45:40

Yes, and I think and I didn't go looking for that song or anything like that Just played it one time on YouTube, and you know when something just hits you and it just hit me and like I kept like literally throughout that month of September I played that song again and again and again. Those times I would wake up at 2 am and I would be in big pain and stuff like that, and I'd be calling the nurses to give me medicine, and then they'll come and then I'll play that song and cry myself to sleep again and it's like God was using it to minister to me, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 46:13

He was using it. To me that's a huge gosh. Yeah, you know that was something.

Speaker 2: 46:19

Yeah, so that was incredibly powerful. And then I was also just before all of this happened I'd started getting into journaling. You know, I don't know if you're familiar with journaling, but like spiritual journaling, the process of like kind of writing stuff down and looking for God to reply in conversation. So I'd started learning about that and practicing it right before this whole brain tumor thing happened. So I journaled in hospital. And it's funny when I first got into hospital, because the first week or so just over a week and a half they couldn't operate on me because they had to get ready and stuff. So I was walking around like, hey, you know, this is kind of cool. And I journaled and I said, okay, god, what is? And it took they didn't tell me straight away, by the way, that it was a brain tumor, because I wanted to find out exactly all the details and get it all together. So initially I was like you know, kind of I know something's wrong and I don't know what it is, but I'll find out. And I journaled and I said, okay, god, what's going on here? You know like, what's the situation? How should I approach the things that's happening? And I felt very clearly in the journal I got this response. It was like Mildred, treat this like a holiday, like being in a hotel, rest, you know rest.

Speaker 2: 47:39

So like, just to give you context, prior to that, I'm a mom. As I said, I'm a mom of two girls and I'm a wife. I had a business, I had a job. Yeah, my life was full on. So not only that, my two girls, both of them suffered really badly with eczema. You know eczema and allergies. So, and when people hear eczema, often it's like they think, oh, it's just a bit of dry skin. No, no, no, no, eczema is horrible. I'm talking. No one can sleep because there's scratching, itching, there's blood, there's wet wrapping, there's like it's a whole lot. So that was a whole. That was like. So life was full on. I got my kids with deal of eczema and both kids. You know I've got a day job. You know I've got a business that I'm running, all of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 48:28

And then I get into hospital and I'm there three times a day. They're feeding me. You know I'm eating food that I haven't cooked, you know. They would come around and I'm like what do you want for breakfast? Meal dread, what do you want for lunch? What do you want for dinner. I put in my orders and I was like, apart from the fact that there's something seriously wrong, like this is kind of cool.

Speaker 2: 48:49

And then God gave me the perspective treat this like being in a hotel and rest. So and that's exactly what I did for like the first almost two weeks of being in that hotel, of the hotel, that hospital, I rested, you know Hotel, yeah, exactly A spiritual hotel. It was a spiritual hotel, you know, and I rested. And then after that, when I went through the, and then after the operation and the recovery and all of that. So it's just those little things of like, like when you have a real God, like an active God and it's not just someone, that God is a real person and a real being in the midst of your darkness. And this is the last thing I say on that.

Speaker 2: 49:31

I literally felt that sometimes I got so low and in the time I was there, I had eight nightmares after my operation, eight nightmares, right, and every single one of them involved me dying or being killed or of some sort, right. So I woke up. I was about yeah, yeah, and it was an attack, it was a spiritual attack. And I woke up from those experiences and I felt very clearly like my God, this is Psalm 23. You know, psalm 23, david says in there, though I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I was feeling not evil, for you are with me, and I was like I have literally this experience has taken me through the valley of the shadow of death, you know, but yet God has been with me through it, you know. So I came out of that, like, with a real understanding of that scripture.

Speaker 2: 50:27

The scripture, the stuff we're reading in the Bible, these are not like, they're not just words, you know. So when you can actually read the scripture and see your life in it, it's powerful. I was like, wow, this is what I'm going through. I'm literally close to death. I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death and, in these dreams as well, the enemies trying to come for me, you know, but it wasn't my time to go yet, you know, it was not my time to go. So that whole experience deepened my relationship with God in a powerful way, you know, and it also kind of also deepened my relationships with people around me. I had people, friends and stuff who haven't prayed for that years, like, I'm praying for you.

Speaker 2: 51:11

I don't want you to die. You know so. It's just amazing how good can use something like adversity to bring so many good things out of it. You know so, and that's where that's what this has been in my life, you know.

Speaker 1: 51:28

Mildred. Thank you so much for really sharing that. It's just been so encouraging. There's something you said I want to kind of reinforce it's. You said at that point that you really need to trust God.

Speaker 1: 51:44

Surely during the period of making the decision about radiotherapy, you said it's either you know there's a God or there's not.

Speaker 1: 51:51

There's not something that I don't know how you phrase it, but it's either I believe in that you're God and you do this, or not.

Speaker 1: 51:59

And I think that's so powerful when we're going through challenges, how we've got to come to the point that we just, you know, we've been believing. Like you said, we're born Christians but it comes to a point that we've got to say you know what it's either I believe in God or I don't. And if we're going to believe, you're just going to have to believe 100%. And it's that thing of okay, it's time for me to let go and totally let God. And that's what you did, and I'm just so grateful to God on your behalf as well, that you came through. You know you trusted him and he never fails. And there's something else you said which I just love Shed, what you just talked about now, and it's that whole thing of Bible says he makes all things beautiful in his time. I say he's going to make things work out, all things work out for our good. So, even though the devil was doing his own bit, there are challenges.

Speaker 1: 53:01

But you know when God, when God says yes, no, one can say no, and when God shuts it down, no one can open. So if God says, not your time, there's nothing, nothing that the devil can do, that will change that. So it's just really trusting God Because, to be honest, when we do trust him and really really trust him, you know God always comes through. He does because he's a covenant God. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and you know you're just so inspiring. You know I love your faith.

Speaker 1: 53:36

When you wrote what you wrote, I think it was the anniversary. You know that I saw and first time I've seen it, because obviously you've been posting it before, but the first time I've actually seen it I went, wow, this is we need. People need to hear this, you know, and, like you said, people could be. A lot of times you see people on social media and you think, oh, it's all well for them, but what you've just taken us through was the experience you went through, even with your girls, and then the experience of going through the brain tumor. But there's something else and I'm talking too much, but there's something. I can just go on and I'm just so excited. There's something else.

Speaker 1: 54:17

You said those two weeks when you went hospital and they were doing the test and God said rest. You know we could look at it and go. Oh yeah, you know, but that's powerful, because it was that opportunity to rest that probably gave you the ability to get through the times after the surgery, to heal quicker, to go through that that period. Because if you had gone in and they had to operate immediately and you didn't have that time to rest, even mentally, you probably would have struggled.

Speaker 2: 54:54

Yes, yes, yeah, can I say something on that? Actually, because you just reminded me of the scripture where Elijah, like after the battle of Baal or whatever, where he defeats all the prophets, the false prophets, and then Jezebel's like I'm gonna kill you, and he's running right, and then God finds in line that I'm shattered, like oh, it's only me left. No one else is, you know, there's no one else serving you. God's like listen, rest, refresh, replenish, you know. And I think one of the things God says to you is like because the journey ahead you're gonna need your strength for the journey ahead, you know. So there are some seasons in your life where God's gonna call you to rest now because, like you said, maureen, you're gonna need that strength for later. And I think you're right.

Speaker 2: 55:37

I think if I had just come from that, got into hospital and already it's like you got brain change, man, we need to operate. Let's cut you open blood, you know, get on with it, I think that would have been a huge adjustment, you know. But instead, god and His grace, I had like two weeks to adjust, you know, and I had an in there because I'm in the world where I see other patients as well. I were there we got friendly talking to some of them and their experiences and all of that. So I really was given like an adjustment period. So when it came to my time, it's like, okay, I'm ready, I'm as ready as I can be, you know, and that was powerful. So, yes, I definitely think there's something in that which is which is amazing.

Speaker 1: 56:20

Thank you so much. I'm not even going to say anymore because I think that's just such a great way to bring this to an end. It's just how wonderful and kind and merciful and, you know, amazing our God is and honestly so I'm so grateful to God for you, for your life, for what you're doing, and you're just such an inspiration and, you know, let's see what God has in store for Mildred as you keep going and I'll just say, please reach out to Mildred. You know, in terms of her business or even if you're going through something that she went through and you just want someone to talk, to reach out to her, because you know this is a podcast, there's so much we can talk about, but she'll be able to really talk with you and support you in, you know, whichever area. It is.

Speaker 1: 57:13

Mildred, thank you so much. So, finally, I always ask people at the end of the podcast to just I know we've talked quite a bit, but there's just one final word of advice that you want to give our listeners. Go for it, and it could be on anything whether in terms of you know anything, let me not preempt.

Speaker 2: 57:32

Okay. So I don't know what else to say about. Honestly, if you're listening to this and you are a person of faith, I want you to know that your God is real. You know, and I want you to know that actually, adversity gives you the opportunity to see that for yourself, that your God is real and that he will deliver you out of it all you know. So that's that's one thing I know. If you're not a person of faith, I want you to know that God is real and he loves you, you know, and he wants you to come home, you know. So please go check it out.

Speaker 2: 58:08

This is the. I know it all sounds a woohoo and all that kind of weird and strange and all that, but, as I said, I wasn't. I was born into this, but I wasn't born into this and I I learned this and I came to a reason and in my own mind, as a reasonable adult, that this stuff is not all just weird, spooky stuff. There is a God. He is real, life is impacted, there is, he has a plan for your life. There is a creator who loves you and the reason you're watching and listening to this right now is because he wants you and he has a purpose for you. So reach out to. The name is Christian, that you know, and even if that's me, I don't mind. Come find me, you know so, or Maureen, you know, and then let them talk you through what it means to become a Christian, because today is your chance to to come home and experience the best love you can ever experience in your entire life.

Speaker 1: 59:01

So much the best love that really just sums our God up, the best love you can ever experience. I love that. I love that. Thank you so much, mildred. Thank you for really opening yourself up and sharing with us. Thank you for what you're doing. You know, in in the business space for women, for you know, visibility visibility is a great one. I really wanted us to get to this. I didn't want to really push more into the visibility, but please, please, ladies out there, if you're lurking, reach out to Mildred. We've got to really rise up as women and take our place and, you know, do what God has called us to do. Do that thing, that that burning passion you have in you, so that you can help the people that you're meant to be helping. Mildred, thank you once again for coming out to Little Excel podcast.

Speaker 2: 59:55

Thank you so much for an incredible conversation, Mollie. It's been a real pleasure.

Speaker 1: 1:00:00

We've gotten to the end of another enlightening episode of Lead to Excel podcast. Thank you for spending your valuable time with us today diving deep into the intriguing world of neuroscience and leadership. Remember, the journey to personal and professional excellence is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and every step, no matter how small, brings you closer to your goals. If you found value in our conversation today and its packed insights or questions, I invite you to share your thoughts with us. Join our community on LinkedIn, facebook or Twitter, where we continue the conversation and share valuable resources to help you lead and excel. You're also welcome to visit our academy at mindsiteacademycom. Please also consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen to your podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:01:05

Your feedback not only helps us improve, but it also helps others find our show. Sharing is caring, after all. Finally, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. We have a treasure trove of insights, inspiration and expert advice coming your way and, trust me, you won't want to miss a single one. Thank you once again for tuning in Until next time. This is Maurin Chihana signing off, reminding you to keep exploring, keep learning and keep leading to excel. Stay safe, stay motivated and let's change the world together. Have a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday.