The Silver Lining of Rejection: An Enlightened Path to Self-Growth - E92

Welcome, welcome, welcome. You're tuning in to the Lead to Excel podcast, the hub where science meets leadership and transformation begins. I'm your host, maureen Cheyanna, founder of the Mindsight Academy, a trailblazer in the world of neuro-leadership, I'm an executive neuro-coach, leadership transformer and a neuroscience enthusiast, dedicated to empowering leaders, entrepreneurs and changemakers like you. Every week, we delve into the heart of neuroscience to discover how you can unleash your potential, master your brain, manage emotions yours and others alter behaviors and exceed expectations. We are here to help you not just to survive, but thrive and flourish in the fast-paced world around us. We're about to kick off another high-impact episode today, diving into a topic that is powerful, intriguing and has the potential to shift your leadership journey. So, my friends, it's time to put on your thinking caps, grab your favorite beverage and get comfortable. It's time to elevate your leadership, to excel and so hire, let's dive right in. Today, we delve into a topic that's close to many of our hearts Rejection. Rather than wallow in the pain, I want to unpack why rejection is, in fact, a gift. We'll combine the powerful elements of emotional intelligence, scriptures and neuro-leadership to guide us. So let's begin.

In 2007, after I closed my business and my mom passed away suddenly. I was at such a low point in my life One afternoon, as I was sitting and feeling sorry for myself, I called a good friend. No response. I called again and her daughter came to the phone and told me that her mom said that she doesn't want to speak to me, that she's decided to cut away from some friends, which I was one of them. I don't know if you've ever felt more alone At that point. I felt all of these things rejected alone, unbelievable. The emotions were just climbing on top of each other. It was such a low point in my life the one friend that I thought would be there to support me had turned her back on me.

For me, for you, it's your parents regularly comparing you to others, making you feel inadequate or not good enough. Or maybe that was what happened while you were growing up. You might be the one putting in all the hours and effort at work, only for your line manager to constantly pick faults in everything you do. You might be the one that does the right things at work and even trains other people, but denied that promotion yet again. That happened to me as well. Is it your spouse, or even a parent, that suddenly walked out of your marriage or walked out of your life, or walked out of your life as a child.

Rejection impacts on our self-esteem, self-worth, and it cuts deep in our heart because it makes you feel lonely. In this podcast episode, I will show you that rejection is indeed a gift, because it's all a perception. What rejection is still having an impact on your life, your career, your progress or even your purpose in life? Is it fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of taking risks? Let's start by looking at my favourite topic Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence is our ability to recognize, understand, manage and influence our own and others' emotions. It's about resilience and perspective. Now, when you're faced with rejection, whether in a personal life or professionally, it's your emotional intelligence that would determine how you respond to it. Now, proverbs 4.23 says Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. This scripture reminds us of the importance of protecting our emotional well-being. You see, our brain views rejection as a threat to our survival. Rejection activates the same pathways in our brain as physical pain. That's why it hurts so badly. But here's the beauty of it. Just as our muscles grow stronger when challenged, our brain, when faced with rejection, has the capacity to develop, resilience, adapt and overcome. Romans 5.3-4 tells us we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, character and character hope. So how do we transform rejection into a gift?

I told you the story of how I experienced rejection at a very low point in my life. These two scriptures that I'm going to read to you were the ones that I held on to, and it really changed my perspective. Psalm 139.13-14 says For you created my inmost being. You need me to gather my mother's womb. I praise you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. That was the part that really made me stop seeing myself as a victim or as a rejected one, because you know what. It was a human being like myself that had turned her back on me. But there's one person that I knew I was very precious to, and that's God, and that completely changed my perspective, because this scripture shows that God intricately designed and values each of us, and for me that was very personal. Isaiah 43.4 says Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you, I am precious in God's eyes. So, yes, somebody might feel that they don't care about me. That's absolutely fine, because the most important person to me, my father. God Almighty treasures me. So for you it might mean a parent has turned their back, a spouse has turned their back.

I told you that I'd gone through the experience of working so hard at work, training people under me. I went on maternity leave and you know what my line manager did. He restructured my job, re-advertised it and gave it to the person that I had trained A fellow white man. I felt so rejected at that point, but I used that situation to propel me to re-evaluate what I wanted to do, and that was the point. I decided to open my own business. I left the company. I went back after maternity leave, did my three months and left. And leaving and setting up the business is what has gotten me to where I am today Doing what I love so much, really being able to impact so many other people. So it was painful at the time, but it was truly a gift. The same thing with that friend that rejected me. It became a gift for me because now I don't put my hope in human beings. My hope is truly in God, who will never fail me, and that has saved me so much heartache, so much problems, because I'm more in control of friendships. I've learned how to manage my expectations of people.

Another thing that truly helps is accept and allow yourself to feel. It's natural to feel pain when rejected. Emotional validation is really critical to us as human beings. Throughout our daily lives, we experience so many different emotions, from joy to sorrow, excitement to disappointment. These emotions are really integral to our human experience. In the Garden of God's Seminy, jesus demonstrated vulnerability by expressing his dread for the impending crucifixion. My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, is what he said in Matthews 26 38. This really highlights that feeling deeply, even to the point of anguish, isn't a sign of weakness. It's a testament to the depth of human experience and it's okay to feel pain.

The important thing is don't stay there, don't wallow in that pain. Get up, re-evaluate the situation and examine your own interpretation of that situation. So when facing emotional pain, rather than suppress or deny it, it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. The healing process truly begins with acceptance. However, it's crucial, like I said, to ensure that your feelings become a catalyst for your growth and not a pitfall of despair. Another great point is reflect and learn. Ask yourself what can this rejection teach me? Is there something I need to work on? Or perhaps is this a redirection towards something better, a path more aligned with my purpose? Because every experience, especially the painful ones, offers a lesson. Instead of ruminating on the pain, ask yourself some critical questions to gain insight from this situation. Assess that situation objectively. Perhaps there are areas that you need to improve, and maybe this rejection is a divine detail leading to a more fulfilling destination for you. Either way, reflection paves the way for personal growth.

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Boosting your emotional intelligence means understanding your emotions. Instead of viewing rejection as a failure or a reflection of your own self-worth, view it as feedback. It's an opportunity to grow, adjust and evolve. When it's a parent that you feel has rejected you by walking away, remember the person of obviously has issues that made him walk away, but it's nothing to do with you. So they are the ones with the problem, not you, because the amount of people that have seen as adults whose self-worth has been impacted by a parent walking out is so high, or women whose spouse have walked away and their self-worth has been affected so much. No, the fact is that they are the ones with the problem. Don't allow it impact on who you are. Your identity is wrapped around somebody else and this is where emotional intelligence really gives us the skills to interpret and manage our emotions constructively.

Reframing is a technique where we change our perspective on a situation which can alter our emotional response to it, because when you change your thoughts, the emotions attached to the thoughts change. So the emotions attached to a negative thought of oh, I've been rejected is different from the emotion of I love who I am. They might have walked away, but you know what I'm comfortable and happy with who I am and you know what. They've gone away. I need to now look at my life. What do I need to do? Where do I need to go? Just like what happened to me with that job. It made me re-evaluate and rethink what can I do with my life now and I changed course. Truly, like I said, was a gift or the friend that walked away. That's fine. I don't even need a friend like that in my life and it really helped me over the years with friendships and expectations.

Joseph in the Bible we all know the story of Joseph after being sold into slavery by his brothers and later rising to power in Egypt, reframed his own painful past by saying in Genesis 50-20, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. This shift in perspective reflects high emotional intelligence. He could have been bitter, he could have been planning how he would take revenge, but he didn't. And the honest truth is he was free there, the ones that probably kept feeling guilty. So rejection can be reframed from a mark of inadequacy to constructive feedback. So, instead of internalizing the rejection, view it as an external pointer to guide your personal or professional development.

Meditation is another powerful tool that helps with rejection. Scripture provides timeless wisdom and solace For me. Meditating on Scripture enabled me to internalize these truths and being an anchor for me in times of turmoil. Jeremiah 29-11 says I know the plans I have for you. Declares the Lord Plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. This verse is a potent reminder that, despite current circumstances, there's a divine plan ensuring my welfare. So, honestly, no matter what situation it is, as I go back to this promise, it re-energizes me and gives me ability to get up and go after falling. So incorporating Scripture meditation into your daily routine will enable you to embed divine truth into your heart, equipping you to combat feelings of worklessness or despair with reminders of your divine worth and destiny. So remember that rejection isn't the end, it's merely a turn in the road. It's an invitation to grow, to evolve, to come closer to your true self, your divine purpose. So the next time rejection knocks on your door, greet it with grace, wisdom and the understanding that it is indeed a gift. Thank you once again for joining me and I hope this has brought comfort and insight into your life. May we all continue to grow in wisdom, emotional intelligence and understanding.

We've gotten to the end of another enlightening episode of Lead to Excel podcast. Thank you for spending your valuable time with us today, diving deep into the intriguing world of neuroscience and leadership. Remember, the journey to personal and professional excellence is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and every step, no matter how small, brings you closer to your goals. If you found value in our conversation today and its packed insights or even questions, I invite you to share your thoughts with us. Join our community on the Mindsight Academy it's called Limitless Leaders Community where we continue the conversation and share valuable resources to help you lead and excel.

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