Welcome to the Lead to Excel podcast. This is the space where faith, neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and leadership come together. Not as theory, but as practical tools for how we live, lead, and make decisions every day. I'm Maureen Ciana, and in today's episode, we'll be talking about identity. Not as a concept, but as the foundation for how you show up in your leadership, in your business, your relationships, and your life. Because when identity is unclear, everything feels negotiable. But when identity is rooted, decisions become clearer, emotions settle, and confidence grows. Today's episode is titled When You Know Who You Are, You Stop Negotiating Your Life. Many people think they're struggling because they need better discipline or clearer goals. But what they're really struggling with is identity. When you don't know who you are, you negotiate everything: your values, your boundaries, your time, and eventually even your peace. So most people don't actually realize they're doing it. It shows up in the way that you overexplain yourself, the way you keep justifying decisions that already feel wrong inside. The way you even say yes, especially when your emotions are telling you that that doesn't sit right with you. And that constant inattention isn't necessarily because you're weak. It's because you're living without a subtle sense of who you are. Scripture, neuroscience, and lived experience all tell us the same thing. Life becomes unstable when identity is unclear. In my book, rewire your brain with neuroscience and scripture every day. I'm holding it up here, and you can get your copy if you don't already have one from Amazon or MindSitestore.com. It's a daily devotional, a daily guide. So in the book, I return to this truth again and again because scripture is clear about it. Romans 12, verse 2 reminds us and says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Notice it doesn't say be transformed by doing more. It says renewal happens in the mind. And the concept of renewing your mind every day is a doing thing. So it's something you have to do regularly. And that's why the book is a daily guide, 366 days. So it's a page a day. And it links neuroscience, scripture, and emotional intelligence with practical tools of what to do, or practical tips of what to do. Proverbs 23:7 tells us as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Identity lives there in the heart. And when you really go into the science of this, when you have a thought, you actually feel the emotion of that thought in your heart. The brain and the heart are closely connected. In fact, this is this science that has shown us that you can find some brain cells on the heart. So the brain, the heart actually has memory as well. It keeps a record of what's going on in the mind. So identity lives there in that inner narrative you carry about who you are and what you're worth. When identity is unclear, the mind has nothing solid to renew around. So you end up living from pressure, approval, and fear rather than truth. That's when you negotiate your life away quietly, one decision at a time. So let's look at why the brain resists on clear identity. From a neuroscience perspective, that is exactly what we would expect. The brain is designed to keep you safe. It looks for consistency between who you believe you are and how you live. When identity is unclear, the brain reads that as instability. The amygdala, which is the emotional part of the brain, which is deep inside the brain, scans for rejection, for loss, for threat. So it's literally scanning your brain to find out the information that is coming in. Is it a threat or is it a reward response that it needs to activate? And that's when, so that when you have a negative emotion or negative thought that's created a negative emotion, emotions literally take over. And they have to do that to protect you. So it then activates you to take action. And that could be the find flight of freeze. So when emotions take over, you feel anxious in conversations, you probably find yourself people pleasing. You lower your standards just to keep peace. But when identity is anchored, your prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of the brain in front of the brain, it stays engaged. And that's where calm thinking, emotional regulation, and wise decisions happen. So clarity doesn't make life easy, it makes your nervous system stable. And stability changes how you respond to everything. There's something I emphasize strongly in the identity focused days in my book. What you tolerate trains your brain. If you constantly negotiate your boundaries, your brain learns that misalignment is normal. If you repeatedly explain your worth, your brain wires insecurity, not confidence. That's why negotiation is exhausting, not physically but emotionally. You replay conversations, you doubt yourself, you feel drained without even knowing why. Your emotions are literally trying to protect you. But without identity, they end up leading instead of serving you. Let me make this real. Recently, a company approached me to deliver training. They were interested, but the conversation kept circling back to pricing. They wanted breakdowns, they wanted explanations, they wanted justification. There was a time in my life when that would have unsettled me a lot. I would have felt the emotional pull to explain more, to reduce my price, to convince them of my value. But this time it was different. I wasn't anxious, I wasn't defensive, I wasn't emotionally activated at all. And then I realized why. I know who I am. I know my expertise. I know the years of study, faith, neuroscience, and real transformation behind what I do. So when it became clear that alignment wasn't there, I walked away calmly. Without drama, without explanation. And that moment reminded me of this truth. You don't argue your worth. You don't stay where you're being questioned instead of respected. That wasn't a pricing decision, it was an identity decision. So let's look at how identity is reinforced daily or can be reinforced daily. This is where neuroplasticity becomes very powerful. The brain rewires through repetition and experience. And neuroplasticity just describes the concept that the brain can keep rewiring, the brain can keep changing. But wonder why there's no transformation or there's no change in their situation. You have to rewire your brain yourself. So you have to take that control back from the brain because your brain is only using the information it already has. So what you're doing, well, what you need to do is to give it the new information that it needs to create a new default. So the brain rewires through repetition and experience, not intention alone. So every time you act in alignment with who you are, your brain strengthens that identity pathway. Every time you negotiate yourself down, your brain learns that compromise is who you are. This is where scripture tells us to renew the mind. Renewal is ongoing, it's daily, it's practical. Identity is not formed in declarations alone, it's formed in repeated, aligned decisions. Small actions done consistently, that's how identity becomes embodied. So let's bring this home. I want you to pause and reflect honestly. Where are you negotiating your life right now? What are you tolerating that no longer aligns with who you are becoming? What are you still explaining that no longer needs explanation? And here's the question that changes everything. Who would you need to be to stop negotiating in this area? Not what would you need to do? Who would you need to be? That question comes directly from identity work because identity always precedes behavior. Here's something simple and powerful you can do today. Write one sentence that begins with, This is who I am. Then ask yourself: what is one action today that must align with this truth? Take that action without explaining, without apologizing or justifying. That single act does more for your brain than ours of overthinking. Aligned action requires identity. Identity stabilizes emotions, and stability brings peace. Identity work is not about motivation, it's about alignment. And alignment is what leads to growth, clarity, and consistent results in leadership, in business, and in life. This is exactly the kind of work that we do inside Mindsight Women's Network, which you can find at the Mindsitacademy.com. Mindsight Women's Network is a faith-filled growth community for women who want to think clearly under pressure, regulate emotions instead of reacting from them, and lead with confidence rooted in identity, not approval. Through life neurocoaching, practical neuroscience tools, scriptures, anchored reflection, and real accountability, women inside Mindsight Women's Network experience tangible growth, stronger boundaries, clearer decisions, greater confidence in leadership and business conversations, and the ability to stop negotiating their worth. If you're ready to grow into a more grounded leader and live from a settled sense of who you are, you will find that space and support inside Mindsight Women's Network. And I'll leave a link below. So, bringing this to a close, when you know who you are, you will stop negotiating your life because alignment removes the need to bargain. This year is not about proving yourself, it's about standing in truth and letting your decisions reflect it. And that's the work we'll keep doing together in Lead2Xcel Podcast. Thank you for listening to the Lead to Excel Podcast. If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it. And I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.