Welcome back to Lead To Excel Podcast.

Maureen Chiana (00:04)
And if you're joining me for the first time, I'm Maureen Ciana, founder of The Mindsight Academy, a neuroleadership facilitator and emotional intelligence specialist. My work brings together neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and scripture to help us understand how we think, respond and live so we can think better, live bolder, and transform daily.

Maureen Chiana (00:34)
It genuinely feels good to say those words again. If you listened to the podcast before, you will know that I took a break. And I did not step away because I had run out of things to say. No, quite the opposite. I stepped away because I was finishing something that had become a very important extension of the work I have been doing for years.

On neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and scripture. And that is writing the book, rewire your brain with neuroscience and scripture every day. Now, when I wrote the main book, the purpose was to help people understand, to understand their thoughts, their emotional patterns, their behavior, what may be happening in the brain.

And also how scripture speaks into the process of renewing the mind. But the more I worked on it, the more one question kept confronting me what happens after insight? Because insight can be powerful, but you can suddenly understand why you react the way you do, why certain things trigger you.

Why you keep repeating a pattern? You can underline the page, highlight the scripture, write something profound in your journal, and still get up the next morning and respond exactly the same way. Now, understanding is important, but understanding is not the same as transformation. Eventually,

What you know has to enter what you practice. It has to enter the next conversation, the next decision, the next opportunity, the next relationship, the next moment of pressure. That is why the workbook had to follow. And in many ways, that is also why returning to Lead To Excel Podcast now feels important.

I do not want this new season simply to give you information. I want us to go deeper, to understand what may be happening within us. And I'll talk about the workbook later. But also to then ask the question: what do I do with that understanding? How does it change the way I live? Think, respond, choose, relate.

and also grow.

And I cannot think of a better place to begin than adversity. Because sometimes the experiences that affect most are not the ones that are still happening. They are the ones that ended, but left instructions behind.

The relationship ended, but mistrust remained. The business recovered, but the fear of losing everything remained. The rejection happened years ago, but you still hesitate before putting yourself forward. Someone criticized you once, and now every piece of feedback feels more personal than it should. The event may be over.

But something it taught your brain may still be running. So today I want to ask you a different question, not simply what happened to you, but what did what happened to you teach you to expect, believe, and repeatedly do? This episode is called Pressed, not crushed. What adversity can rewire in you.

And it's anchored in day one eighty-seven of my book.

Rewire your brain with neuroscience and scripture every day. And here is the book. And this is the workbook that I've been working on. So do get your copies from the www.mindsightstore.com or even Amazon or wherever you get your books from. And I will leave the dis I will leave the links in the description. So that those are the books.

Day one hundred eighty seven is finding meaning in adversity, but we are going deeper than just looking for the lesson because I think we sometimes romanticize adversity.

We say things like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

But that is not automatically true. Some adversity produces wisdom, some produces fear, some makes us even more compassionate, some makes us more guarded.

Some gives us courage, and some teaches us to avoid. And sometimes one difficult experience can leave us carrying a mixture of all those things. So here is something I want you to hold on to throughout this episode. Adversity itself is not the rewiring. What you repeatedly think, interpret, and

Practice in response to adversity is where much of the rewiring can happen. Because the truth is, your brain is trying to protect you. That's its job. All it's trying to do is to protect you. So when something painful, threatening, or deeply uncertain happens, your brain's first priority is not personal development, it's protection.

Your brain is rapidly asking the question: what is happening? Is this safe? Have I experienced anything like this before? What happened the last time? What do I need to do now? The amygdala, which is the emotional part of the brain, is involved in detecting emotional significance and potential threats.

The hippocampus, which is the small organ next to it, helps bring memory and context into what is happening. The insula, which is deep in the brain, helps you register what is happening inside your body. So how you're feeling. So things like having a tight chest, that knot that you get in your stomach, the heat rising in your face.

That feeling that something is wrong before you can even put language around it. Your prefrontal systems that's the front of the brain helps you with evaluation, perspective, regulation, and deliberate choice. But under intense stress, that flexible, deliberate thinking can become more difficult, and you probably real you know, recognize this or identify with this. That does not mean your brain has failed you. Your brain is trying to protect you. So now think about a smoke alarm. If your house is on fire, you want the alarm to make noise. You don't want to stand other knit it saying, Why are you so negative? It's basically doing what it's meant to be doing, its job.

But imagine the alarm becomes so sensitive that every time you make toast, the whole house goes into emergency mode. There is a signal. But the level of danger is being misread. Something similar can happen after adversity. You were betrayed, and your brain learned: be careful. You experience painful rejection.

Your brain learned do not become too vulnerable.

You lost money and your brain learned nothing is secure.

Maybe you were humiliated and your brain learned, do not put yourself in that position again.

And perhaps those responses actually helped you then. But years later, somebody gives you feedback and the alarm goes off. Someone does not reply to your message and your mind starts filling in the gaps or filling in the blanks. A new opportunity appears, and before excitement arrives, your brain has already produced 10 reasons why it could all go wrong.

The present has touched something from the past. And this is where emotional intelligence becomes so important. Because you need to be able to ask, what am I actually responding to? What is happening now? And what am I predicting because of what happened before? Those are not always the same thing.

Sometimes a response that began as protection becomes so familiar that we start calling it personality. I'm just very independent. Yeah, maybe. But perhaps somewhere underneath that independence is I learned not to rely on people. I have very high standards. Maybe. But perhaps.

Perfectionism is also carrying if I get this wrong, I could lose approval. I don't take risks. Perhaps that is wisdom. Or perhaps one painful experience taught you that uncertainty and danger are the same thing.

I don't like confrontation. Perhaps you value peace. Or perhaps your brain learned that disagreement threatens connection.

And I'm not saying every part of your personality needs to be analyzed. No. What I'm saying is become curious.

Not what is wrong with me.

But rather, where did I learn this response? What is it trying to protect me from? And do I still need it now? That is much more useful. And this is where neuroplasticity becomes incredibly relevant.

Neuroplasticity is not automatically positive. Your brain can become more efficient at helpful patterns. It can also become more efficient at patterns that limit you. So imagine walking through a field of long grass. The first time there's no path. You push your way through. The next time there's a faint track.

Walk the same route repeatedly and eventually the path becomes obvious. After a while, you do not even think about which direction to take. You follow the familiar path.

Our responses can become like that. If you repeatedly worry, worrying becomes easier. If you repeatedly withdraw when you feel uncomfortable, withdrawal becomes familiar. If every setback leads to nothing ever works for me, that thought becomes increasingly easy to access. If criticism is

Repeatedly produces defensiveness. Defensiveness becomes a well known route for you. That is why I say the brain is always practicing something. So ask yourself what is mind practicing? Because awareness is vital, but awareness is not rewiring.

You can understand why you behave the way you behave and continue behaving that way for years. Insight creates an opportunity. Practice begins creating change.

This brings us directly into day 187 in the book, finding meaning in adversity. Finding meaning does not mean pretending something painful was good. No. It's not spiritual denial. It's not toxic positivity either. And it's not saying everything happens.

For a reason. Sometimes we do not know why something happened. And sometimes there is no explanation that makes another person's behavior acceptable. Meaning making is different. You can say something like, That hurt me. That disappointed me. That was unfair. I wish.

It never happened. And still ask the question what will I allow this experience to produce in me now? Because an event happens, and then we interpret the event. Those are not the same thing. The event, I lost my job. The interpretation.

I'm not valuable.

The events the relationship ended.

The interpretation I am unlovable.

The event the business failed. Can truly identify with that. The interpretation could be I'm a failure, which it was for me at the time before I rewired my brain. The event I made a poor decision. The interpretation could be I cannot trust myself. One describes something that happened.

And the other begins telling you who you are. And once that meaning is repeated, it can become a belief. That belief influences what you notice.

What you notice influences emotion. Emotion influences behavior. Behavior creates more experiences. And eventually, those experiences can appear to prove the original belief. And that is why the meaning we attach to adversity really matters.

Think about your life as a book.

You may have lived through a chapter you would never have chosen. Maybe you would tear those pages out if you could. but a chapter is not the whole book.

The danger comes when something that happened in one chapter starts writing every single chapter afterwards.

And it could go something like this: someone betrayed you. So nobody else gets close to you. The walls come up. You failed. So every future opportunity is filtered through what if it happens again? You were rejected. So now you reject yourself before anyone else gets a chance to do it. The chapter ended.

But somehow it's still writing.

Ask yourself, has something that happened in an earlier chapter been given permission to write the chapter I'm leaving now?

This is where emotional intelligence becomes very practical. Emotional regulation is not emotional suppression. If something hurts, acknowledge that it hurts. If you're angry, recognize the anger. If you're afraid, acknowledge the fear. If you're grieving, grieve. Faith.

Does not require emotional dishonesty. Emotions contain information, but information is not always instruction. Fear may tell you this matters. It does not automatically mean run.

Anger may tell you a boundary has been crossed.

It does not automatically mean attack.

Anxiety may tell you this is uncertainty. It does not automatically mean disaster is coming.

I think of emotions like passengers in a car. They are allowed to speak. You should listen. There may be something important in what they are actually telling you. But do you have to hand every passenger the steering wheel to your car? That is emotional regulation. And in that pause, you can ask, what am I feeling?

What triggered it? What story did my brain immediately produce?

Was it fact? Was it interpretation? Was it fear predicting what else is true?

And what response is aligned with the person I want to become?

And this is where scripture takes us deeper and gives us an anchor.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4: We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair.

Look at the honesty. He does not say nothing affected us. He says we were pressed. He does not say we understood everything.

What he actually says is, we were perplexed. So faith did not erase reality, or faith does not erase reality. Faith changed what reality was allowed to conclude. Pressed, yes. Crushed, no. Perplexed, yes. Despair gets the final word, no.

Sometimes we mistake strength for being unaffected.

But you can be strong and still be affected. You can have faith and still have questions. You can be grateful and still grieve. You can trust God and still say, This hurts me. Those things can coexist. Think about Joseph, betrayed by his brothers.

Sold, falsely accused, imprisoned. Later Joseph says You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.

What I find powerful about that is that Joseph does not deny what happened. He does not say what you did was actually wonderful. He names it you intended harm.

But he refuses to allow their intention to become the final meaning of his life. And somebody listening may need to hear this. Somebody else's behavior may explain your pain. It does not have to dictate your future. Their rejection does not get to become your identity. No. Their betrayal does not have to become your philosophy.

Of relationships.

They may have participated in one chapter. They do not get to author the whole book.

You cannot control everything that happens. We can't as human beings. We cannot control whether somebody stays. We cannot control another person's behavior. We cannot control whether somebody chooses us. We cannot control yesterday. But that does not mean that we do not have agency. Agency asks, What can I choose now? What

Will I believe now? What will I practice now? What boundary do I need? What conversation do I need to have? What help do I need to ask? What am I going to do next? This is one reason Victor Franklin's work on meaning has remained so significant. Meaning

Does not erase suffering, but it can change our relationship with suffering.

Sometimes that gives us back something adversity tried to take.

Choice.

This is where we move from understanding into action. Your brain needs more than a new sentence, it needs new evidence. So you can say, I trust people, but if you never allow anyone close, your behavior is rehearsing mistrust. You can say, I'm confident.

But if you repeatedly hide from opportunities, hiding is what you're practicing. You can say, I have moved forward. But if yesterday still makes today's decisions, your behavior is telling another story. So perhaps criticism normally makes you defensive. Your new practice may be pause.

Notice what is happening in your body. Do not immediately explain yourself. Ask a question. Listen. Give yourself time.

Respond rather than react. One different response interrupts the old pattern. Repeated different responses begin giving your brain new evidence. Or perhaps failure taught you do not take risks.

Your next practice may be one wise risk. Send the application, pitch the idea, have the conversation, set the boundary. Maybe it's to start again. Let somebody trustworthy a little closer. Not because fear has disappeared.

But because fear is no longer making that decision.

So after listening to this episode, I want you to choose one experience you can safely examine and ask the question what actually happened? Facts first. Then what did I start believing because it happened?

Maybe people cannot be trusted. Maybe it was I always have to be strong. Maybe it's I'm not enough. Maybe it's if I make a mistake, everything will fall apart. Maybe it's if I speak honestly, people will leave. Then ask the question, what emotion tends to sit underneath that belief?

Is it fear, shame, anger, anxiety? And then what behavior does that emotion keep practicing?

Avoidance people pleasing? Is it perfectionism? Maybe control withdrawal overthinking.

Then ask what else is true.

What have I learned? What do I understand now? What strength did I discover? What boundary became necessary? What value became clear? Where did God meet me? What truth do I need to strengthen?

What did God teach me? And finally, what is one response I now need to practice differently?

This is the practical rewire process. Notice what is happening. Pause before the automatic pattern takes over. Choose what is true, wise and aligned with scripture and your values. Act. Then review what actually happened. Adjust and repeat.

Because one different action can interrupt a pattern. Repeated intentional action is what begins establishing something new.

And perhaps now you can see why I took that break from this podcast. Because the deeper I went into this work, the clearer it became that insights could not be the endpoint. And that is why the workbook matters. So

The main book helps you understand and the workbook then enables you ask the question, what are you now going to do with what you understand?

And that's looking inside the book.

So, for the benefit of those listening to audio, I'm just showing the book here. So, if you have the book, and if you don't have the book, go and get the book from mindsight.com or Amazon. So, if you have the book, go to day 187, finding meaning in adversity. Then take the workbook and work.

With one real pattern, not ten, one. Identify it, challenge it, choose another response.

Act Review Adjust Report.

Because you have not completed a rewired day simply because you filled in the page. The real work happens when what you discovered on the page meets your real life. So before you go, I want to leave you with this. Sometimes we spend years asking, Why did that happen to me?

And sometimes there is value in that question. But there comes another question that can move us forward.

What am I still allowing what happened to teach me?

Maybe the event taught you to protect yourself and perhaps you needed that protection then. Maybe it taught you to become independent. Maybe it taught you to not trust quickly. Maybe it taught you to stay quiet.

Maybe it taught you to never take that kind of risk again,

but you are allowed to revisit the lesson. You are allowed to say that response help me then. But I don't need to carry it into everything that comes next. The smoke alarm may still work, but you can teach yourself that every single signal is not fire. The old path may still exist, but you can begin walking another one.

The chapter ended, but it does not get to write the whole book. And that for me is what pressed but not crushed means. It does not mean nothing happened to you. It does not mean you emerged untouched. It means pressure does not receive final authority over who you become.

You may have been pressed, but there's still more to your story. There's still more to learn. There's still more to heal. There's still more to practice. There's still more to become.

And perhaps that is the spirit of this new season of Lead to Excel Podcast. Not simply collecting more information, but understanding ourselves more deeply, challenging what needs to change, and taking what we know into the way we actually live. So before you move on with your day, ask yourself: what did adversity teach me? What am I still carrying from it?

And what do I want to practice differently now? Take that question with you. If you have rewire your brain with neuroscience and scripture every day, go to day 187. And if you have the workbook, work the page slowly. And do not simply ask, what did I learn? Ask, what will I now practice? Because insight is only the beginning practice is where change happens.

Thank you for coming back to Lead To Excel Podcast with me. I'm Maureen Chiana. Think better, live bolder, transform daily. And this is only the beginning of where we are going next. Thank you. See you in the next episode.