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Hey there, Maurice Channer here, founder of the MindSights Academy, neurocoach to executives, leaders, entrepreneurs, and a neuroleadership trainer using insights from neuroscience to help you deliver results by learning to what's matter, be control of your brain, manage yours and others' emotions, change behaviors, flourish and exceed expectations. Welcome back to another episode of the toexpel podcast. This is a session that I delivered to those in my Limitless Leaders community. So, grab your drink, cup of coffee or water, put your feet up and listen in. Authenticity, what does it mean? When we talk about being an authenticity, what does it mean to you? If you just put what you feel or what it means personally to you in the chat, um, let's take let's see what ideas, because authenticity is something that sometimes different people have different meanings for what it is. So if you just put that in the chat, so being real, um being your true self. So yeah, okay, that's that's pretty much what it is. So one definition I like is the quality of being authentic is being genuine. So it's being genuine in yourself or being genuine about things. So when you look, when you look at the word authentic in the dictionary, I've got a definition here that says not false or copied, so genuine, so being real. Fundamentally, authenticity is about you being you fully. So it's about being yourself, um, understanding, owning, acknowledging, appreciating and expressing all of who you are. It and that means both the good and the bad as well. So being able to really express who you are in totality of who you are. So it's one of the most challenging but very important aspects of growth as human beings to be our authentic self. Because you find that a lot of people, either out of interpretation or stuff, end up not being their real self. So it involves being totally honest about yourself, but also being honest with others about who you are. So basically, when you're authentic, you're vulnerable, you're aware, you're open and truthful about all aspects of yourself. So you're able to be in touch with your thoughts, you're able to be in touch with your feelings and acknowledge when you're when you have doubts, or even acknowledging your fears as well. You know, you're able to understand and know what your dreams are, what your passions are, and you know, because this is really what will make you your true self. Because a lot of you have said, looking at the chat, is being original, but how do you know what is original if you don't really understand who you are? So when you're authentic, you're also able to own up to when you're actually not being authentic with yourself as well, and I think that is really important. How often do you not do or say something that you really want to because you're worried about what others might think? And I think that's a good question to really ask ourselves. How often do you not do or say something that you really want to because you're worried about what other people might think? So, and this is mainly because as a child, we are trained to say what you think, you know, others want you to say or do what others want you to do, or sometimes what you guess, you know, you're guessing what you should be doing or saying or behaving in a particular situation. So we basically don't believe that being your true self will enable you to reach the goals that you want to reach or achieve what you want to achieve. Or you don't want to deal with people's judgments or people's reactions to the way you truly are. You know, that is what prevents a lot of people from facing their fears or even their doubts. And it also brings about um the fear of rejection, fear of failure. So what ends up happening is people just kind of shrink away and put a facade of what they believe that society or the world wants them to be. So, in addition, being true to yourself, the fact is that it takes courage, it takes commitment, it takes awareness, and it takes confidence as well in knowing who you are and what you want to be. So learning who you are and how to bring the best of yourself to moments of influence with others is very important in being authentic because many people feel that at times, if they're impersonating someone else, or rather, I'll say some other people you find people impersonating someone else rather than working out what it means to be their true self. Instead of covering up those underdeveloped areas, it's actually better to learn to improve on the areas that you feel weak instead of trying to act or be somebody else. So authenticity is a process and it continues to evolve throughout your life, and that is why it's important to not just stick to being saying, okay, I'm authentic, and that's it. Because as time goes on, as a human being, you're changing, and the whole process of making sure that you're being authentic is so important for you to keep thinking about to make sure that as time goes on, in the process of pursuing your goals or careers, that you don't end up kind of moving away from what your true self is. So it comes from really deep within you. And the fact is that nobody can make you to be authentic, it has to come from within yourself, and you have to keep acknowledging how you are at each point in time. And we've done a lot on awareness in the in the training, so it's so important. Make sure that in anything you're doing, you're always very self-aware of who you are and aware of what you're doing at every point in your life, because that is what will enable you, make sure that you're really being true to yourself and really being able to achieve what it is you want to achieve. So it will enable you to disentangle yourself from much of your own pain and suffering, which will end up freeing you up to say, do, be, experience, and go for the things that you really want in life. And I've got here some benefits of what being authentic would benefit you. So it will enable you to confront and transform your fear, it will enable you to express yourself fully and with confidence, you'll be able to deal with conflicts directly and resolve them effectively. You'll be able to take risks and go for what you truly want. You'll be able to keep things in perspective and have more fun. You trust, forgive, and celebrate yourself. And I think this is really important, especially, you know, starting your career. It's really important that you understand, you know, when you're taking risks, or rather being confident to take risks so that you're not worried about what if it doesn't work, what if it fails. And also keeping things in perspective and celebrating yourself. Those are really important because if you don't, the way the brain works is that it will keep pursuing something and you find yourself never being satisfied because you're constantly pursuing something and you've not stopped to actually celebrate what you've achieved. You're you because you end up in that loop where you're just going for more. But once you can stop and celebrate your wins, then what your brain does is that it now releases those dopamine reward hormones that makes you understand and feel that, okay, yes, I've achieved this and I can now move on to this. You also have more freedom, more peace, more confidence, and be able to build up better relationships and achieve better in work and in life, and obviously have improved health and decreased stress as well. So many people feel that at times as if they're impersonating other people rather than working out what you know what their true self is to them. And this is what you gain from actually being able to really understand who your true self is, being able to, you know, really appreciate yourself for who you are as well, and you're not making sure that you don't end up being what you're not meant to be, or doing what you think society wants you to be, or a lot of times you find that it's even what has been put into us from when we were children, and then you end up conforming or living somebody else's life instead of being who your true self should be. And I love this quote by John Mason that says, You were born an original, don't die a copy. And I think it's so true because a lot of times you find that a lot of people lose themselves in the process of living life. So it's so important to really keep that awareness so that you really truly know who your genuine self is and make sure that you're living that out. An example is as you're growing up, you're probably you've heard so many people you want to talk and they've and they shut you down or you know, tell you to keep quiet for different reasons. And we've all learned that in this, you know, in certain times and places, it probably is not appropriate to speak, or you, you know, when they said you should, you know, children are not meant to be heard, they are meant to just be seen. You know, just things like this, and all these things, people grow up and it becomes part of them. So you find that as life goes on, you're not actually being able to express yourself. And that's why it's important to let children express who they are, let them ask questions because then you're able to really see what they're thinking, and also it's giving them an opportunity to express how they feel or what they're thinking, and as they grow up, they'll be able to do it as well, instead of finding themselves in situations whereby they want to speak but they don't, and they suppress things because of fear of being judged, and then you find a lot of people holding a lot of stress and emotions inside and not able to express it because of the way that they've been brought up. So, one of the ways in terms of when you when we're telling people to just shut up and not talk is, and and these are phrases which are really worth thinking about. So I've said here, think of the various phrases that you've heard so many times. Children should be seen and not heard. You can't say that. Speak only when you're spoken to. Um, no side conversations, wait for your turn, don't talk back. Who do you think you are? Don't interrupt, be quiet. All these are just examples of things that we say to children or even say to even adults or in different situations, and you find that it ends up sending a wrong message sometimes to people that they internalize it and start acting out things. So another damaging message that we get when we're young is that we should be more like somebody else. And this happens a lot where even in schools or even parents, when you start comparing siblings or teachers are comparing students to another student. So it's really important to pay attention to all the institutional programming that we've experienced and messages from the past that still have an impact on you today or have an impact on the way you're thinking, because this will add, and the fact is that when you identify them, challenge those thought processes, ask yourself the questions, challenge them for yourself, speak your truth so that you'll be able to live that authentic life. If not, you end up living a life that is not really true to yourself. And some of these questions will probably help. What have you learned from family, from school, religion, politics, media, or others about being yourself? And I think it's worth taking time to just think about these questions. What specific messages did you receive growing up that made it difficult for you to be authentic? What specific institutions, influences, or messages in your own life today get in the way of you fully being yourself and living an authentic life? The fact is that we are not victims of our culture, we're not victims of our family or anything that we've been taught, because we know that we can now take that control back. And I think that's the big message that I want us to take away from this talk on authenticity. Another area that prevents authenticity is self-criticism. Because many people are really their own worst enemies. A lot of people spend a great deal of time and energy literally criticizing themselves constantly. And another main reason that people have a hard time being who they are or being the authentic self is because they think that's either due to certain aspects of their life that they are flawed, or they keep recognizing or focusing on things that need to be improved instead of really focusing on things that you're good at. Identifying things that need to be improved is good, but when it becomes your main focus that it starts impacting on the way you view yourself, then that is a big problem. So it's one of the most perversive and insidious ways that you sell out, and a lot of people start self-sabotaging because of self-criticism. And I've used this as an example. One simple way that self-criticism shows up in people's life on a regular basis is expectations and demands that you place on yourself for how you should be. And that's why I've called it the shooting. And what usually lies beneath these shoulds is that feeling that either you're not good enough, you feel that until you do a certain thing, you will not be good enough, or until you achieve a certain thing that you will not be good enough. So it's that whole, maybe when you have this, you'll be able to achieve that. So the shoulding is something to really think about and make sure that you don't find yourself putting those unnecessary expectations on yourself that ends up preventing you from seeing yourself the way you truly are. So Marian says, Yeah, I think from life growing up in society has this picture of better yet categories that have to put one in. And if you don't fit into their design categories, they give you a negative tag. Exactly. For most of you that have done the course on emotional intelligence, you see how the subconscious brain literally takes these things in, and as you grow up and become an adult, you find yourself actually behaving in certain ways that you are not even that you don't even understand. So it's really important to start paying attention in particular to your interpretation of situations so that you're aware of how you're thinking and how you respond to different things. So this exercise is a good one actually to do. Take out a piece of paper or your journal on the top of the paper, write, I should. Then take some time to make a list of all the things that you think you should do or say, or ways you should be in your life right now that you think you are not. So, for example, I should be more patient, I should get more sleep, I should be more organized, I should eat more healthy food and exercise more regularly, I should spend more quality time with people I love and you just so on. So all the shoes. So if you can just, even if you don't do it now, just make a note of it so that you can do it after the session. But that is a good exercise, actually, to do. And then there is a second part of this. After you've done this bit, then read back over your list and circle the big ones, the top five or so shoes that you give the most attention to. And then the question then is how much time and energy do you spend thinking about what you should do and ultimately feel like you are not good enough. However much or little it is, it's important to acknowledge and own this as it's one of the most insidious ways that you stop yourself from being who you really are. And I think that's a really good exercise to do. And you'll find that even though some of the items on your list may truly be things that are important to you, yeah, in terms of how you relate to them, really depends on your perspective. So it's the interpretation that you have given it that will determine how you see it. So it's really important to just identify them and start changing the narrative that you've given them so that you can start really owning and believing in yourself, in your true self. So here are a few questions that you can also think about while you're thinking about authenticity. What are the biggest obstacles that get in your way of being real? So that is, you know, your persona, we've talked about um self-criticism, evil fear, fear of failure, fear of rejection, you know, all the fears. And what are what are you most critical about? And what impact does this have on your ability to be authentic? So looking at things like appearance, um your competence in in different aspects of your life, your track record, education, status, all those things, which one is it? And then what are some of the biggest fears you have about the potential outcome of being fully yourself, speaking your truth, and going for what you truly want in life? So, those are a few questions that you can just start pondering on, and just thinking about what authenticity means. So, this is literally an introduction to what being authentic is just to get our minds thinking or getting you to be more aware of what authenticity means and what it means for you, and how important it is to really start paying attention to what you're thinking, and paying attention to who you really are and how that plays out. Okay, three things before we finish today. Have you subscribed to this podcast? If you haven't, please make sure you click on that subscribe button wherever you listen to this podcast, because once you subscribe, you will not miss an episode. I would also appreciate you leaving a review because you just might be the lucky person to get a one-to-one strategic call with me, which is so valuable at this time. Finally, please remember to keep safe, keep being aware of your thoughts because remember, your thoughts is what drives your behavior. You have control of your brain. So don't be a victim of life, don't be a victim of situations. Turn every situation that you're going through around for your benefit. Look for opportunities now and grab them. And if you do need any help, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I'm here to help you. My passion is really seeing people rise up in their roles, whatever that might be, either as a leader or as a business owner, so that you're achieving high performance, high productivity, and high profitability. High profitability, whether you're a business owner, whether you're employed, you need to be financially successful. So turn your problems into stepping stones for your success. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Bye for now.